Wednesday, March 13, 2013

late night ramblings: a society too big for its britches

So despite the fact that technology has always been an integral part of my life {thanks mainly to the generation I was born into}, I still have my days of sighing "Woe to you, internet. You devilish can of worms. You, dear one, have spurred on wayyyy too much, too soon."

Yes, yes, the internet brought about the information age {every answer you could possibly need at the touch of your fingertips!}, a better chance at equalizing education standards across the country {one day kids born into poverty could be smarter than those well to-do kids in the northeast}, & just plain ole curiosity {why does the rain in Spain fall mainly on the plain?}. 

BUT, as usual, the internet came before its time & with it came all sorts of new (albeit, late-blooming) issues: hazy/nonexistent governing laws, the slow death of brick & mortar stores, the noticeably missing taxes that would have come from the brick & mortar stores, & the inability to understand any sort of spelling/grammar rules {we can all act like e.e. cummings and never capitalize any words ever again! look at me using these fancy brackets rather than using parentheses- muahahaha take THAT MLA}. 

Surprisingly, however, my biggest issue with the internet is something much less tangible: its ability to redefine standards for generations to come {my second is spelling errors/spawn of abbreviations born from the instant messaging days, but that's beside the point here}. The big bad wolf has tricked us all into redefining the phrase "instant gratification." We now seek a deeper relationship with our iPhones & computers than we do with the company of friends or family. In fact, my dad directed me to this article in which the writer fully expected all communications to take place via text/twitter... even conversations with his parents/sister (to the extent that his father called & left multiple voicemails, and the writer refused to call him back. His father eventually heard the new standard of communication via the writer's sister and now the family mostly talks on twitter). I wish I could tell you that I was kidding, but I'm not...

This instaworld that we all live in & conquer is going to our heads, folks. We (I'm included, don't worry) would rather wish a person a "happy birthday" on a facebook wall than send a card. Speaking of cards, we've pretty much abandoned the whole postal system for our germ-covered battery-powered phones. Oh, Gutenberg! And the whole reading a book thing? Yeah, that's a dying art, too {sigh}. All for what? Instant gratification.

We, humans, expect everything NOW. We're all turning into little versions of Veruca Salt from Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. We can't be bothered with talking in person or on the phone anymore, gotta text! We can't waste time going to a {gasp} bookstore, must purchase kindle versions. Psh, why buy a whole album when we can buy the two songs that we actually like? Our little instant gratifications are running a lot of our little American-run businesses straight into the ground, and we don't even care. Because we wanted it in that exact second, & we got it. And we're building our own little kingdoms and keeping everyone & everything else out.

And for the daily double, this information age of ours doesn't have an off button. It goes 24/7. It runs during family dinners, last minute cramming study sessions, & even during friend hang-out times. We think that because our connectivity to this magical world of internet & communication is never ceasing, that we should use it unceasingly. We no longer walk on the street or drive a car just to walk or to drive. We talk on our phones, we text, we write ourselves memos, emails, blog posts, we read BREAKING NEWS tweets. We are our own little PR reps constantly tethered to a coded world, rather than the natural world, because we can't miss anythingAnd it never stops. We've created a monster & it's turning us into monsters, too. We're slowly constructing walls brick by brick around ourselves that isolate us from the humanity we once knew.

We have come to the assumption that our time is terribly terribly important. And it is, don't get me wrong, but what priority level are we really classifying our time? My time is not so important to forget to say please or thank you, to ask people how they are, or to even hold the door for a stranger. My time is not so important that I can't move on the sidewalk to let someone pass me or smile & talk with the person ringing up my groceries. My time is not so important that I won't help a kid enter the metro station using his fare card or give a lost driver directions around our neighborhood {I'm a southerner, old habits die hard, thank goodness}. 

My time is not so important to forget that I am a child of my dear King & that my time here is supposed to be spent obeying and praising Him, not mindlessly following the world. I don't want to lock myself in a self made tower and forget my purpose. My time is not my time; my time is His time. So I'm going to be more intentional, and not get so caught up in this labyrinth of being redefined. Because I don't want to wake up one day and forget who I am. The real me, not the internet presence me or the greedy need-more-now me or the one-man-is-an-island me. Me, with a lovely tangible life full of friends, family, a husband, and a concern for the greater good.



"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

John 14:27

{end scene}

Monday, March 11, 2013

remember the time... {vol. II}

{lately}

+ After deciding I wanted to buy a hula hoop (yes, you read that correctly), we drove to the store and searched all over; the only ones we could find had a super cool feature of lighting up... I'm so mature. The looks we got as we tested out what size hula hoop was appropriate was the highlight of my day, as well as the inevitable giggling that I couldn't stifle. Don't forget the embarrassment we attempted to avoid when one of our neighbors was outside upon our arrival home and we left the glittery turquoise hula hoop in the car... "by accident."

+ After seeing all the running warriors around us in Alexandria conquering the freezing cold, we worked up the courage to go together one afternoon. We were very convincing up until the wind became so brutal on our warm down that we promptly turned around and cut our walk short by a mile or more... Our southern blood has ruined us. 

+ Before leaving for work one morning, husmate kissed me goodbye on my forehead while I was asleep and apparently I kissed the air in reaction. Smoooch! And then giggled when he laughed at me. And was asleep the whole time. Deep sleeper over here, guys.

+ For two months, we both thought that the spare set of keys to my car (aka husmate's set) was lost forever and that he had misplaced them/fell out of his pocket on a walk to Old Town... And then they reappeared one morning... in the pocket of one of wifey's peacoats. Whoops, my bad. Sorry husmate for giving you the blame! You can have full key privileges again #wifeyfail

+ I saw a shadowy creature scurry around our apartment late one night, and I woke up a groggy husmate to search under the refrigerator/oven/couch/desk for it. He's such a sport, even though I think he thinks I'm crazy considering he never found the speedy 4" monster... And he wasn't even fully awake in his search & destroy mission.

{auld lang syne}

+ We both verbally agreed to sign up for a half marathon together during our dating days, annnnnndddd wifey dropped the ball and missed the deadline (after husmate reminded wifey 7 x 70 times to sign up). Husmate was left to suffer through a half marathon solo (& underprepared, also due to wifey's fault ;) ). Well the time has come that due to marriage & not being allowed to squirm out of it, we will both be signing up for one again this year. Now just to decide on which one to run?

+ The day after we got engaged in DC, the weather was so. dang. windy. that when we walked to revisit our bench we had to lean into the wind just so we could keep moving forward {for once, I'm not exaggerating because that was the day the National Christmas tree fell over}. Lately the wind around here has been pretty sassy, but so far no fallen trees (of course, there's no replacement Christmas tree currently to fight the bully of the breeze either).




& in case you missed last week:

Thursday, March 7, 2013

letters of the nonsensical variety


Dear Postman, at first I started to think you had forgotten about my J. Crew jeans when my package was noticeably absent, but you greatly impressed me by stuffing them into my little apartment mailbox instead. You, sir, deserve a gold star in packing efficiency and should probably hold a seminar on how to properly pack a carry-on so as best to avoid airline charges. Dear Mr. Huxley, I know I praised you in high school for a job well done on Brave New World, but really, job well done. After recently reading it again, I still freak out about the world to come. But don't worry, I shall bring God and Shakespeare with me. Probably more God than Shakespeare though (I gotta be honest). Dear Sarah, thanks for reassuring me after I read BNW that I was just feeling the "the weight" on my shoulders, and that this too will pass. Dear Modern Family, thank you for understanding what I meant about parents & kids being friends when Claire asked Haley on a date. You get me every time. I especially loved the analogy: "Raising a kid is like sending a rocket ship to the moon. You spend the early years in constant contact and then one day, around the teenage years, they go around the dark side and they're gone. All you can do is wait for that faint signal that says they're coming back." Hey parents, I'm baaaaackkk! Dear weather, you befuddle me. Yesterday was delightfully cool. Perfect running conditions. Dare I say it, spring weather-like? Today, we're getting our first "real" snow of the season. In March. Are you hormonal? Let's work on that. Dear first week back of running, I both love and hate you. Thank you for reminding me that I am woefully out of shape. When a woman three times my age zoomed past me on the trail, I finally got it. Dear husmate, your enthusiasm for learning something new is quite possibly the cutest thing. ever. When your books came in the mail the other day, you would have thought it was Christmas morning. I can't wait to see you really get into your new skill. :) Also, Michael Buble is the cheesiest. I apologize that my Avett/Mumford love makes me skeptical of your acceptance of Buble. Let's work on that, shall we?

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

be still


You often hear people say that life is a funny thing. And it is. It's a wonderfully confusing and funny thing. I've been composing my thoughts on this post for awhile, but I suppose it's time to finally put pen to paper, so to speak, and share why it is I've entitled this blog "Be Still." 

Until midway through college, I always had a plan for my life: College > Med School > Join a practice > Start a family > Strike a balance of work and family > Survive > Retire. And this plan had been intact for a very long time, so much so that it included a back-up plan of majoring in bioengineering, just in case plan A didn't work out (got that? just in case).

The first kink to my plan came one summer when I was shadowing all the different medical specialties and realized that none of them fit me. AHHHH whatdoIdonow??? Have no fear, almost every doctor I shadowed presented me with a new plan: dental school. And it seemed just perfect: great for women, more manageable hours, actually be a part of the family you helped create. Okay, great: new plan A. 

And the modified plan A was going well until it came time for my application to be turned in senior year, and I had just one question left to answer: why do you want to be a dentist? That's a good question... to which I had no answer. I mean, yes, I could have fibbed it, but I was more plagued with the idea that I had no idea why I wanted to pursue this path.

So, my boyfriend at the time suggested a piece of advice that I had always shied away from, nay, slammed the door on: why not take a year off after college to figure out my life plans?

And so it came to pass that I jumped off of my plan A (head first it seemed like). It took me about a week to realize that I had always treated my life like the opening scene of Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. I had placed myself on a conveyer belt that had already decided all of my life's fate from its start: at metre 152 I would enter university where I would major in biological engineering, at 321 I would study my entire life away in a library (good ole Mitchell Memorial!) so as to maintain my good marks, at 467 I would graduate and attend a post graduate program, at 683 I would somehow find a person who could put up with my eccentricities and manage to date him while slaving away at my doctorate, at 894 I would finish up my residency, and finally, at metre 1000 I would complete my goal & get a job, get married, and begin my life. Be strong, be independent, be confident. And the sad part is that all along the way I know I would have channeled the Director in that scene by saying "charming, charming" the whole time. 

So I kicked myself off the conveyer belt of Hatcheries & Conditioning, and I let life go on. And things I would never have predicted happened. That boyfriend proposed to me, me, the girl who everyone else counted on not getting married until she was 30 (including the girl herself). I graduated & moved back home (definitely was not in the picture) to plan a wedding. I got married & moved to a place 13 hours away from the only city I've ever called home. And I still don't have a clue what I want to be when I grow up. Life is a curiously funny thing. 

But all those things that happened because I jumped ship have been a wonderful blessing. The marriage thing is an obvious one, but even moving home made my life better. I got the opportunity to really appreciate & love being with my parents, aka the roomies. It was the first time that I wasn't a preoccupied student taking up space in their house, but rather a (dare I say it?) peer that saw them for the caring people that they are. And it was probably the first time that I realized all the pressure I felt in college came from a central location: little ole me. 

So here I am admitting to you that I don't know where I'm going in life. For a girl who always had a plan growing up, it takes a lot to admit that. I've always had such pride in my progress & my plan, but boy, can that pride be such a hindrance. It has taken me many months to break that down and realize that it's okay that I don't know. That the question mark hovering over my head is more of a friend than a foe, & that faith (and patience in that faith) is the only thing that will get me through this period of self doubt & unrest. 

One night during one of my all night study sessions, I stumbled along Psalm 46 which reminds us that though the world may be a destructive place, God is always there. We just have to stop & listen:


God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging. {Selah}

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. {Selah}

Come and see the works of the Lord,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bows and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.
Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.

The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. {Selah}

Reading that psalm made me realize that my little plan for myself never allowed me to rely on my faith. What a worldly human I can be! I mean I know that God finds me funny in the way that I'm clever & weird, but he must have had a field day when I realized that my plan was so insignificant compared to His. I know I'm hilarious, Yahweh, keep on chuckling up there! 

And since that sleepless night, Psalm 46:10 has become something of battle cry for me. Every time I start to get down on myself, I recite those comforting words. Sometimes things get so drastic that I even write a small 46:10 on my hand so that I'll see it constantly. The answer will come. One day. Because my God has a plan for me, and always has. It included me falling metaphorically on my face, so that I could see His world that I was missing. His plan. 


But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.

Jeremiah 17: 7-8

So I'm being still. And waiting. 

Friday, March 1, 2013

remember the time... {vol. I}

{lately}

+ Saturday midday rolls around, and it occurs to husmate & I that we don't know where his apartment keys are. We check his jeans, jacket, & and the bowl that sits on our dresser holding all his miscellaneous stuff... which turns up nothing. On a whim I tell him to check our door... wellwouldn'tyaknowit? FYI, we haven't used that door since 5 pm the previous day... Glad we have such trustworthy neighbors. Oh, and that we're brilliant and on top of things 24/7.

+ While mindlessly perusing IKEA and all its Swedish cleverness, I look over & catch husmate setting all the kitchen timers to go off in ten minutes time. We're talking at least 15-20 of those annoyingly high pitched things. I. am. mortified. I stomp off as fast as I can in any direction away from the ticking time bombs as to distance myself from any ensuing embarrassment. Meanwhile, husmate creates a stake-out one section over so as to witness the cacophony of sounds and the innocent victims who will undoubtably be confused by all the commotion. I married a forever 9 year old. I am convinced of it.

+ We went from having one Victorian chair & a coffee table in our den to adding a big ole comfy couch, a reading chair, & a side table in the course of a day. And we hung pictures?! It's as if we finally moved in two months later.

{auld lang syne}

+ So in order to move to Alexandria, husmate & I puffed out our chests & decided to move ourselves in a u-haul. We are adults, hear us roar. So everything's going great, and we're in the process of moving our old couch onto the truck. After walking backwards up the u-haul ramp, husmate is trying to be all Superman-like by opening the door while maintaining his hold on the couch. Andddddd he falls off the ramp. It is both slightly frightening & hilarious at the same time, but I am proud to say I was concerned for his safety wayyyy before I started laughing. The best part? The couch ripped his jeans from his belt loop all the way to his knee, and the rest of his pants had already been packed.

+ It was something of a joke back then, but I think husmate's friend, Dr. Nic, might have been right: Nic said that I would fall in love with husmate due to the fact that he could recite pi to the 50th decimal place. Said it had something to do with my nerdy behavior (Cue my inevitable blushing cheeks). But I did later that year. Hook, line, and sinker, and I suppose it might have stemmed from that little comment.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

lifetime guarantees

John 3:30

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to run life on autopilot? To get into the rut of a routine and never really notice? And then hark! out of nowhere, you pick your head up from watching the sidewalk you're walking or the road you're driving and you remember that this is a big world that you live in & other wonderful things live in it. It's as if your very own trumpet angel is heralding you to notice the beauty of your surroundings: the cardinals flying in & out of the leafless trees, the sailboats on the river, the pansies on the walk to town. Why is it that we always think that there will be time later to acknowledge the wonder of our world? Why do we always wait?

I think partly it has to do with surrounding ourselves with things. Creating our own little kingdoms of treasures full of beautiful trinkets, trendy clothes, & the latest gadgets (which inevitably get updated every few months these days. Sigh). We are full blown consumers who think we can buy our happiness in little splurges here & there. We check the warranties & guarantees on everything and keep a mental catalog of products whose guarantee lasts 5 years, 10 years, or gasp! even a lifetime. But have you ever stopped to wonder what your guarantee is? 

Oh, that's right... You don't have one, and neither do I. So don't you think it's funny that we humans care more about whether our pots and pans have them than if we do? Because you know what? You only get this life to live, and here's the kicker: there's no guarantee to how long it may last. 

These are things that I know as facts, but I often forget as my reality. It's easy to forget that this life is not my own, and I was not sent here to worry about grocery lists, household chores, or weekend activities. My sole job is to glorify the God I love, to praise him in everything I do, & to live this life to the fullest by sharing & abiding in his love with as many people as I can. That is my lifetime guarantee. Because once this life ends, a greater place of peaceful existence is waiting for me, & I finally get to hold the hand of my Creator. And that will be something truly beautiful. 


Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth,
where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven,
where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

No one can serve two masters.
Either he will hate the one and love the other,
or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.
You cannot serve both God and Money.

Matthew 6:19-21, 24


{and fingers crossed, I outlast my Calphalon}

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

dreaming of a hot summer's day

I never thought I would get to a point that I would admit to wanting to see & experience the sun so much that I even miss its hot summer days. If you know me, you know that I am a fair-skinned freckled girl, my make-up is one color hue off from white (aka porcelain, ivory, or 01), & I don't tan, I burn. That being said, even I am sick of this cold, dreary, & wet winter and would rather worry about dehydration than wearing enough layers to shake off the constant shivering (I'm from the South, can't help it that I'm a wimp).

This weather makes me long for the weekend husband & I spent in NYC last summer. So here goes a trip down memory lane to help remind me of what sun looks like:


Summary:
+ It's a good thing I don't live in NYC as I would probably spend all my time eating at Chelsea Market, as evidenced by a fourth of these pictures showing its yummy food. I wish I could say those were the only pictures of food I took there, but I can't lie either. Womp womp...

+ I wish that we had had time to walk the whole Central Park. My nerdy self tells me that it would revel in all the beauty of Frederick Law Olmsted's design (which also makes me want to reread The Devil in the White City. Nerd alert). My cabin fever tells me it just wants to see grass and trees and flowers and warmth. Either way the desire to trek all over that park right now is pretty great.

+ I really miss being able to throw my chacos on & wear them with anything in my summer wardrobe, dresses/skirts included. No shame, only fame guys. Now that I'm married, I can partially blame it on my adventurous husband (but it's not really his fault).

+ That Highline Park is pretty dang neat. Totally suggest walking on it the next time you're in NYC.

+ We walked the Brooklyn Bridge (because who doesn't love a bridge merrily designed in gothic architecture?), but as the majority of the bridge was covered in scaffolding along the whole walk, there wasn't much to take a picture of...

+ Even DC was shining beautifully in the sun that weekend. We took that picture as we walked back from Union Station after our horrifically long trip back in a Megabus (New Jersey turnpike, anyone? Yuck). 

Ah, sun... get back in my life.