dipping my toes into something new...

Love the simplicity & beauty of that statement.

It seems only fitting that since it's August I should be gearing up to learn new things. It's a season of life that I embarked on for 18 years & that seems habitual enough that it should stick for good, I think. 

I must admit, however, that since graduating college two years ago, this is the first August that I feel that way. Perhaps my mind + body + soul was going through that break-up period that you often hear about: it takes half the time you were committed to something before you can truly be over it. Well, I was in college for a grueling 4 years, and while they were the best years of school I ever had, by the time I graduated (as most feel I think) I was stretched pretty thin, had my planned-to-a-T future all stomped on, and left with a diploma & a giant hovering question mark regarding what to do from there (except to me it felt like an interrobang <-- There's your typography lesson of the day, folks. You're welcome).

It was just one of those times in life called "growing" and grow up, I certainly did. I got married to a pretty awesome guy. I moved away from the only place I've ever called home. I left all my friends & family half a day's drive away. And I started to figure out what this new season of life holds, and so far it is has blessed me greatly. 

I have learned that it's okay to not know what the future holds & that things change. That the idealistic dreams I cultivated at 18 aren't necessarily what I really want at 24. That the support of a loving spouse is all I really need to feel like I can do anything. That stress can really color a situation into one of fear & doubt. That taking the time to exercise & eat real food is better suited to my longevity than filling it with things that have no worth. That sometimes my type-A perfectionist personality is my biggest enemy. That happiness & success is measured in something other than namesake & dollar signs. That faith is always something you can cling to when you're not sure what's even going on.These past two years have taught me to be content with who I am & to really think outside the box. 

My entire life I've been cursed with good handwriting (I say cursed because once people found out I had it, I usually became the scribe of all group projects, note taking, & presentation boards), but that curse has evolved over the course of life into something that I love. So lately that curse/gift has led me to learn calligraphy, play with fonts & techniques, draw all sorts of things requested by friends... and eventually to start a business!

I'm in the final stages of getting it ready, but basically I'm just an open book as far as pen & ink designs & calligraphy go. So far I've done some custom shower invitations, wedding monograms & paper items, personalized stationery, & even dabbled in architectural drawings. And I've loved doing it all! Hopefully in the next few weeks I'll have nailed down the final details (finish a website/etsy, packaging materials, finding a trustworthy printer (the thorn in my side), etc.), but I'll let you know when it's finally done! Also for any artistic types out there, say a little prayer for me as I learn from scratch the inner workings of Illustrator (consider it my fall schedule).

So here's to new beginnings and an excuse to buy more pens, paper, & ink!

forest for the trees

So I had one of those "duh, Kat" moments yesterday. You know the kind: getting all worked up & then the most obvious thing ever hits you, & you realize that both you & God are laughing at the same thing... that your attention is focused on all the wrong details.

I had been editing the above piece for several hours & was so engrossed in it that I hadn't looked at anything other than my computer screen since I started. So you can imagine my level of frustration: too much attention on the nit-picky minute details, making everything look crisp & straight, centering all the artwork to actually look like I measured things out before I drew them... {ha maybe next time?}. You get the gist.

So imagine my surprise when I printed a test sample out & I actually looked at what I had been working on. Not the fonts or the aesthetics, but the words. I laughed at myself {both aloud & in my head}, & I know sure as heck that God was laughing at me, too. I had completely forgotten what it said in the hours that I had been editing it, & the sad thing is I do that all the time. I'm such a detail-oriented person that I often can't see the forest for the trees. 

But don't worry, after gladly taking a respite from the ever dreaded editing process, I finally caught a glimpse of the forest & marveled at the beauty of how true those words are in the piece I worked on all day... & how comforting they are especially for the town of Moore, Oklahoma right now. So here's my prayer for them: that they find themselves immersed in the forest of His peace, rather than lost in trees of this world, & that we, their neighbors, help them get there by caring for them in any way we possibly can. 

Isaiah 43

After getting a request to take a stab at this verse for a friend, I knew it was going to be a labor of love considering its length in words, but after five layout attempts, I think I finally got it right! Can't wait to play with it in photoshop & see the final product ;) 

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Tuesday! Can you believe that tomorrow we begin the month of May??

note to self

I think Mr. Twain was onto something.

be still

You often hear people say that life is a funny thing. And it is. It's a wonderfully confusing and funny thing. I've been composing my thoughts on this post for awhile, but I suppose it's time to finally put pen to paper, so to speak, and share why it is I've entitled this blog "Be Still." 

Until midway through college, I always had a plan for my life: College > Med School > Join a practice > Start a family > Strike a balance of work and family > Survive > Retire. And this plan had been intact for a very long time, so much so that it included a back-up plan of majoring in bioengineering, just in case plan A didn't work out (got that? just in case).

The first kink to my plan came one summer when I was shadowing all the different medical specialties and realized that none of them fit me. AHHHH whatdoIdonow??? Have no fear, almost every doctor I shadowed presented me with a new plan: dental school. And it seemed just perfect: great for women, more manageable hours, actually be a part of the family you helped create. Okay, great: new plan A. 

And the modified plan A was going well until it came time for my application to be turned in senior year, and I had just one question left to answer: why do you want to be a dentist? That's a good question... to which I had no answer. I mean, yes, I could have fibbed it, but I was more plagued with the idea that I had no idea why I wanted to pursue this path.

So, my boyfriend at the time suggested a piece of advice that I had always shied away from, nay, slammed the door on: why not take a year off after college to figure out my life plans?

And so it came to pass that I jumped off of my plan A (head first it seemed like). It took me about a week to realize that I had always treated my life like the opening scene of Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. I had placed myself on a conveyer belt that had already decided all of my life's fate from its start: at metre 152 I would enter university where I would major in biological engineering, at 321 I would study my entire life away in a library (good ole Mitchell Memorial!) so as to maintain my good marks, at 467 I would graduate and attend a post graduate program, at 683 I would somehow find a person who could put up with my eccentricities and manage to date him while slaving away at my doctorate, at 894 I would finish up my residency, and finally, at metre 1000 I would complete my goal & get a job, get married, and begin my life. Be strong, be independent, be confident. And the sad part is that all along the way I know I would have channeled the Director in that scene by saying "charming, charming" the whole time. 

So I kicked myself off the conveyer belt of Hatcheries & Conditioning, and I let life go on. And things I would never have predicted happened. That boyfriend proposed to me, me, the girl who everyone else counted on not getting married until she was 30 (including the girl herself). I graduated & moved back home (definitely was not in the picture) to plan a wedding. I got married & moved to a place 13 hours away from the only city I've ever called home. And I still don't have a clue what I want to be when I grow up. Life is a curiously funny thing. 

But all those things that happened because I jumped ship have been a wonderful blessing. The marriage thing is an obvious one, but even moving home made my life better. I got the opportunity to really appreciate & love being with my parents, aka the roomies. It was the first time that I wasn't a preoccupied student taking up space in their house, but rather a (dare I say it?) peer that saw them for the caring people that they are. And it was probably the first time that I realized all the pressure I felt in college came from a central location: little ole me. 

So here I am admitting to you that I don't know where I'm going in life. For a girl who always had a plan growing up, it takes a lot to admit that. I've always had such pride in my progress & my plan, but boy, can that pride be such a hindrance. It has taken me many months to break that down and realize that it's okay that I don't know. That the question mark hovering over my head is more of a friend than a foe, & that faith (and patience in that faith) is the only thing that will get me through this period of self doubt & unrest. 

One night during one of my all night study sessions, I stumbled along Psalm 46 which reminds us that though the world may be a destructive place, God is always there. We just have to stop & listen:

God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging. {Selah}

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her, she will not fall;

God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress. {Selah}

Come and see the works of the Lord,

the desolations he has brought on the earth.

He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;

he breaks the bows and shatters the spear,

he burns the shields with fire.

Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.

The Lord Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress. {Selah}

Reading that psalm made me realize that my little plan for myself never allowed me to rely on my faith. What a worldly human I can be! I mean I know that God finds me funny in the way that I'm clever & weird, but he must have had a field day when I realized that my plan was so insignificant compared to His. I know I'm hilarious, Yahweh, keep on chuckling up there! 

And since that sleepless night, Psalm 46:10 has become something of battle cry for me. Every time I start to get down on myself, I recite those comforting words. Sometimes things get so drastic that I even write a small 46:10 on my hand so that I'll see it constantly. The answer will come. One day. Because my God has a plan for me, and always has. It included me falling metaphorically on my face, so that I could see His world that I was missing. His plan. 

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit.

Jeremiah 17: 7-8

So I'm being still. And waiting. 

lifetime guarantees

John 3:30

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to run life on autopilot? To get into the rut of a routine and never really notice? And then hark! out of nowhere, you pick your head up from watching the sidewalk you're walking or the road you're driving and you remember that this is a big world that you live in & other wonderful things live in it. It's as if your very own trumpet angel is heralding you to notice the beauty of your surroundings: the cardinals flying in & out of the leafless trees, the sailboats on the river, the pansies on the walk to town. Why is it that we always think that there will be time later to acknowledge the wonder of our world? Why do we always wait?

I think partly it has to do with surrounding ourselves with things. Creating our own little kingdoms of treasures full of beautiful trinkets, trendy clothes, & the latest gadgets (which inevitably get updated every few months these days. Sigh). We are full blown consumers who think we can buy our happiness in little splurges here & there. We check the warranties & guarantees on everything and keep a mental catalog of products whose guarantee lasts 5 years, 10 years, or gasp! even a lifetime. But have you ever stopped to wonder what your guarantee is? 

Oh, that's right... You don't have one, and neither do I. So don't you think it's funny that we humans care more about whether our pots and pans have them than if we do? Because you know what? You only get this life to live, and here's the kicker: there's no guarantee to how long it may last. 

These are things that I know as facts, but I often forget as my reality. It's easy to forget that this life is not my own, and I was not sent here to worry about grocery lists, household chores, or weekend activities. My sole job is to glorify the God I love, to praise him in everything I do, & to live this life to the fullest by sharing & abiding in his love with as many people as I can. That is my lifetime guarantee. Because once this life ends, a greater place of peaceful existence is waiting for me, & I finally get to hold the hand of my Creator. And that will be something truly beautiful. 

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth,

where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven,

where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

No one can serve two masters.

Either he will hate the one and love the other,

or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.

You cannot serve both God and Money.

Matthew 6:19-21, 24


{and fingers crossed, I outlast my Calphalon}

a valentine for my valentine

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I hope no one else procrastinated as much as I did to tell your special someone how much you love them (some things never change...). And I know we're all secretly excited to start seeing less pink and red everywhere and more Easter pastels in the grocery stores ;) Reese's eggs here I come!